21st Oct 17′

21:57 Singing all my fave songs and sending videos to all my friends of me singing them. Delightful 😂 fucking love this feeling

20:09 I want to cut myself or someone else. I won’t hurt anyone else but the voice is always there

18:39 The thoughts are rolling now. This happens all the time, it’s painful. I am suffering constantly. Nobody sees the suffering that I hide and it kills me to be so isolated. This is why I want to die, my life has nothing but misery. Thoughts are flashing through my head now. People at my local mental health centre are thinking I make this up. Everybody thinks I make it up. I feel like I’m almost holding my suicide as a trump card, a big told ya so to everybody. Stupid thing to think really, but I can’t help it.

18:33 Couldn’t get away from the wife and kids fast enough. Soon as I step out the door my mind is tumbling. Thinking bad thoughts, suicide. Disappearing. Dying. Suffering. I don’t know why I wanted to leave wife’s I just had to be alone but I know I feel like this when I do.

14:33 Daughter kicked off when me and wife showed each other some attention and both have now walked off in moods. Just me and my son watching telly. Don’t think it’s affected my mood

14:02 Wife finished work and started cleaning commenting on how messy the house was. Feel myself getting angry. I’d done the dishes and made tea. Feeling irritated

10:16 Cleaned up phone and sorted out storage. Felt good, given me the motivation to get up and make breakfast for kids. Recognized my mood & making effort to change it

09:58 Just sorting out this app and getting things organised. Feel in control. Not happy but not sinking anymore. Using distract skill”

09:39 Watching people messaging in group texts and Facebook. Sinking into a low mood but trying to fight it off. Considering deleting Facebook. Laying on sofa can’t move

06:54 Foot still hurts

Author: mentalhealthdiary.com

Just a stranger writing about their life as a mental illness sufferer. I hope you can relate to the content on my site :)

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