26th Oct 17′

23:27 Music has started to lift my mood. I’m singing. Stilling having bad thoughts but it’s distracting me.

19:00 A little better than earlier but in a bad place. I told wife I self harmed and she hit the roof and was angry at me. Not a very helpful reaction.

10:55 I thought I could wait but the pressure was too much so I’ve cut myself in the toilets at work with a pencil sharpener blade. Feel relief but the urge to do it again deeper

10:33 Desperately trying to find a way to stop this pain. Holding on until lunch, I’m going to buy razors from Asda and cut myself

09:44 Looking online to buy opiates, I was addicted to codine a few years back (I think the paracetamol broke my liver/kidneys hence the problems I have now). The codine numbed me and I needed about 15 to make it through the day. I want to numb myself again

07:56 The good feeling of yesterday has gone. Half smile and willing hands are doing nothing to budge this

06:59 Struggling to get out of bed. No energy, don’t want to see anyone today or do anything. I just want to be on my own

Author: mentalhealthdiary.com

Just a stranger writing about their life as a mental illness sufferer. I hope you can relate to the content on my site :)

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