19:16 Watching serial killer videos & typing up a chronological timeline of events I can remember. I need to understand what is wrong with me and why
18:02 Could feel myself slipping into my own head. Just sat very still, I feel me detach from my body like I’m not part of it anymore. I think this is why I am not afraid to die, I don’t feel like it will actually be me dying. Just this body I am in
17:48 Just on social media seeing everyone happy. I know that people only put the best things on there but it’s truly depressing when I’m on my own with a bottle of gin. They all have friends and people they like that they spend time with. They’re happy and I’m fucking miserable
17:32 Still sat in my car. Step dad walking past and I swear he caught my eye and looked away. Why? I think people don’t like speaking to me I don’t know why. It’s like I’m inferior to them and they don’t have the time to speak to scum like me.
17:25 Left wife early, no reason. Got 1ltr of gin and a bottle of wine, I’ll be drinking that tonight and getting drunk on my own. I think I’ll probably be too drunk to feel anything bad
16:55 Last min trip to McDonald’s before picking wifeup. Got to McDonald’s daughter asked for a happy meal accidentally and wanted a adult meal so started kicking off which was annoying considering I was treating her. Then after I ordered everything I got to the drive thru till and they weren’t accepting card…I didn’t have enough money for the food only the happy meal. My stomach turned and I could feel rage burning inside of me. I went quiet and into myself.
15:10 Feel fine. Done some cleaning the kids have been good. Wife finishes at 5. Not sure what I’m doing tonight whether I’m going home at 7.30 or staying abit later
11:33 Hyper is wearing off. Feel I’m getting to normal
11:14 Energy explosion. Told off by wife because I won’t stop screaming and dancing 😬😬😬😬🤪🤪🤪🤪
10:59 Going up to wife now feeling happy to see kids and have a bacon butty
09:53 Woke up, computer on. Feel ok. I’ll be getting ready and going to wifes to look after the kids at 1130.