20th Nov 17′

21:22 Sorry Sophie (my CPN, not real name) I know you lot are trying your best. That was just my mind going haywire. Incase I forget to ask next session I’d like to know how I’m being treated & why, like, am I being treated from my diagnosis? And if so why do you think the treatment I’m getting will help that?

20:14  Still angry, at something else this time. So it’s been mentioned a few times ‘definitely not saying you’re doing it on purpose’. That got me thinking, just because sometimes I can ‘wait’ to self harm that to the professionals looks like it’s a completely conscious choice. Almost, for attention. I can appreciate there are traits of borderline personality disorder there but I am actually suffering. Massively when I self harm. Yes sometime it’s delayed but I don’t delay the suffering until it’s time to self harm…I literally cling on, dying inside until I can release some of that built up pressure and pain. It’s making sense to me why I’ve been constantly reassured that I’ve done my best and I’ve got a real issue. Bullshit, it’s said because they know persons with this disorder have a sensitive nature. So you can’t tell them everything is ‘in your head’. When that’s what they truly believe. No disease, no illness just a disorder and disorders are bad. Like an asbo. Nothing wrong with the brain chemistry, drugs are given to shut them up. Fuck this

10:43 Angry this morning but ok now. Had to have tyres changed and the people were miserable serving me

Author: mentalhealthdiary.com

Just a stranger writing about their life as a mental illness sufferer. I hope you can relate to the content on my site :)

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