28th Nov 17′

22:47 My mind has just exploded in technicolour. Joseph is riding a chameleon shaped skateboard kick flipping over my synapses. Singing, Audioslave at the top of my beautiful voice. SHOOOWWW MEEE HOWWW TOO LIVEEEE

20:24 Struggling. I’ve had a pretty good day up until a couple of hours ago when I noticed my mood changing. I was becoming snappy, moody, angry. Like a dark cloud was descending upon me and I engaged it in combat. I tried fighting but it won, as always.  Now I sit on my own, in the dark with only the light of this computer screen. My limbs feel heavy, emotion has been sapped from me and I just feel numb. Hollow.

There has been no trigger, I just always seem to go to this dark place after being on top of the world.

On my way down I detach. Everything has lost all meaning, nothing is good or bad. Nothing exists.

Listening to Linkin Park & Chris Cornell. When I kill myself I’ll hang.

Author: mentalhealthdiary.com

Just a stranger writing about their life as a mental illness sufferer. I hope you can relate to the content on my site :)

4 thoughts on “28th Nov 17′”

  1. Hello, stranger. Thank you for the mood tracker. I was torn between being happy or sad that I stumbled upon it. Happy because I do not have the energy to find a good one, and yours looks excellent… sad because now it will be right at my face, the truth. Just reading through it… most of my days hover around moderate depressed, just like my diagnosis said. Anyway, thank you.
    A mental health diary sounds like a great idea. I may steer more towards that. Also the memes, I should use them, they have a magical way to cheer me up, specially the bird ones.
    Triggers… sometimes pisses me off ya know. The few people I can open up to always ask me “what triggered it…?” and well sometimes it is not clear, or it could be nothing, my brain is just a dickhead and fucks with me sometimes, ok? Or, I don’t feel well enough to think clearly and find out the trigger. So… please stop asking right away. Pushing for it. Even if I find the damn trigger, it won’t heal me immediately.
    Well, have a good one, and thank you for sharing. Hope the cloud passes fast, some days there ain’t much we can do but hope for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really hope you find it useful. I never stick with anything long enough normally but that mood tracker was something I managed to keep filling in through thick and thin. It can be difficult sitting and facing it, all laid out in front of you. What I actually did in that respect though is limit when I would look back through it. Each day (I picked 8pm) I would go in, fill it out and close it with reading any entries before. I found this approach prevented any previous shitty days impacting how I was currently feeling.

      If you would like it editing so it is more catered to you just let me know and I’ll tweak it 🙂

      Yeah I have just started this online diary, I’m finding it quite a fulfilling project. I might actually make those mood tracker forms interactive so people can see me filling them in. Ha, never underestimate the power of memes to cheer you up! I know they’re abit daft and we’re talking about a serious subject but hey, you have to laugh don’t you.

      Oh the triggers, you are spot on! But not many people understand that it can be nothing. Couldn’t have put it better to be honest and I can feel your frustration. One thing that my therapist always asks me: so, when … Happened, what was your emotion?’ well! Fucked if I know! During an episode (don’t know what to call them?) The last thing I am analysing is my emotion.

      Thank you so much, fortunately it did pass. Normally my depressive bouts only last a few hours to days so I got lucky. I hope the mood tracker works and like I say, just let me know if you would like it editing to suit.

      Take care.
      Stranger

      Liked by 1 person

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