19:41 It snowed today. I watched it out the window laying on the tree with my Christmas lights on. I also watched some films, ate a Sunday roast & now I’m going to game.
It’s a good day and one that has not contained any symptoms of mental illness (that I’m aware of). It’s days like this that make you feel real, a glimpse out into ‘normality’. I will desperately try to cling onto the feeling but as you know, it doesn’t last.
I have a medication review this Wednesday, not sure how I feel about it. I’ve not had one before other than my initial dishing out of the meds. Currently I take 400mg of Lamotrigine (mood stabiliser) a day and to be fair it was an absolute life saver when I first started taking it. It seemed to stop my mood bouncing up and down throughout the day and lengthen it out to days. I’m still sure this medication is helping me but there are two points I am going to bring up on Wednesday:
- I still get stuck in crushing depressions which are lasting for weeks/months.
- Often I get completely overwhelmed by emotion and the only way out I can use is self harm or suicide. Fortunately, I have opted for the self harm but how long will this be the case? Every episode of depression seems deeper and darker than the last.
I know psychiatric medication is not a silver bullet so cannot expect both of the above points to be sorted on medication alone. However, something to help me come out of those deep depressions? Or something to help when I am overwhelmed?
Anyway, I’ll be bringing up those points and I will let you know how it goes 🙂 Just out of interest, for any of you that have times when you are overwhelmed, do you have medication for this? If so, what is it?