22:30 UPDATE. I have the fucking power!! Fuck the moods, fuck the downs. I have control over my life and what happens. I’m sound now totally sound.
19:36 Crazy day of ups and downs today. I struggled to even get out of bed and my pitch black room. Not asleep, just lying there feeling dead and empty. A dread that I have no life. I finally found the energy to get up but that dark mood followed me around the house. Then I snapped out of it (or so I thought), did a few bits around the house, went to the shops and then to my partner’s house to look after my son 🙂. I was flustered and stressed though and snappy with my partner, it was obvious I wasn’t in a good frame of mind. I’ve struggled throughout the night but weirdly some ironing seems to have changed my mood! Now I feel OK. I need a plan to not feel like this anymore. It completely controls my life and I’m so sick of it.