19th Dec 17′ – Creeping Depression

20:21 You know when you can feel dread creeping on you? It shuffles in throughout the day, just reminding you that it’s there and it’ll get ya. You’ll think you’re find one minute and the next that darkness is just sat, probably not waving but sticking it’s fingers up at you.

It’s here. I know it is. I’ve felt it all day but have tried to blank it. Now that I’m sat down, all alone at home I feel trapped in my seat. Almost as if my life is being sapped from me, drained out of my body. I’m heavy but hollow, anchored to the ground but adrift in nothingness.

Mental Health Diary - Disassociate
Head’s Fucked Off

I desperately searched for and watched ‘make me happy’ videos on YouTube earlier, it worked for a brief moment.

I’m fat, awful, ugly, lazy, stupid, pathetic, worthless, shit, annoying, a stain, a disease. A parasite.

 

Author: mentalhealthdiary.com

Just a stranger writing about their life as a mental illness sufferer. I hope you can relate to the content on my site :)

10 thoughts on “19th Dec 17′ – Creeping Depression”

  1. Perhaps it was the word creeping in the title, but WordPress reader decided to show me a supposedly related article featuring a picture of a big-ass spider. Scared the living daylights out of me. Now a spider is a worthless parasitic stain. You my dear are not. If you’re looking for a positive distraction, try searching for guinea pig popcorning videos on Youtube. One of my guinea pigs is young and part of her play is “popcorning” – it’s like jumping up in the air and having a seizure. Whatever distraction gets you through the rough moments, right?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG Ashley those guinea pigs… the noises they make! SO ADORABLE! Animals always cheer me up πŸ™‚ I could not sleep the other day, was up around the house and heard a noise outside. Big opossum chewing some stray cat food right out the window. I know they aren’t popular, but I find opossums super cute. We once got a skunk too, and of course random cats. It is funny how popular it is to be afraid of the night, yet all these cute critters are out there at the dark hours.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ve never seen an opossum. Racoons scare me because I feel like they can get vicious. One of the places where I work gets all kinds of wild critters, including bears, especially at night. I have a woodpecker that’s been roosting on my balcony for the past year. I love critters! (except spiders)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Bears?!? Now that’s cool. I wish we had bears. I saw a vole and a fox (not together because that would be class) a couple of times earlier in the year…that’s as fantastic as our wildlife gets πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to hear depression is creeping on you. Heavy but hollow is a good way to describe those moments. Sadly, when in the middle of it, we forget that it is a passing thing. I don’t think you are worthless, trust me, you and other dear strangers of the internet have helped me a lot this year. It feels good not to be alone, even if we are stuck in a puddle of mud, at least it ain’t alone no more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you πŸ™‚ that means a lot.

      It’s the not being able to see past it that’s awful but I feel better today. My dose has gone up on my anti depressants so hopefully that will help out too. What annoys me is I easily slip into depression when on my own but I can’t cope being around others πŸ˜‚ what a nightmare

      Like

      1. Oh yes, how is that huh? All I want is to be on my own corner but I feel better with company, but just in a very specific dose, any more than that and I want back in my corner 😁

        Liked by 1 person

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