1st Jan 18′ – New Year, Old Me.

22:18 Update. I’ve RKO’d depression for today. I have been spending some time looking through other people’s blogs on here and it’s just amazing. There are all these people out there and you never see it on social media. The stories, thoughts, experiences that I am reading are just so grounding. I hope some of you are reading this as you have given me the hope I thought I had lost. The hope, that this year I can work towards loving myself. Taking care of me rather than embarking on destructive paths when I feel overwhelmed. I’m not being too optimistic either! I know that I will fail at times, but I will get back up. ❤

20:07 It’s the first day of the New Year and I have done nothing but be my ‘old’ self. Unhealthy eating, wallowing in anxiety & depression. And this was all before lunch!!!

Fortunately, my mood has come round a bit now but it’s brought me back down to earth. Over the last few days, as some of you know, my moods went skew whiff and I nearly went cold turkey off my meds. I thought I was cured and I had it all figured out, life was going to be perfect. Today though, BANG. Fuck off son, get back down where you belong. If I could describe how I feel right now it would be deflated. Not because I’m a massive fat balloon that is now devoid of air. But because for a brief moment I had hope, and it felt so real.

It doesn’t help that tomorrow is the first day back at work post holidays.

Mental Health Diary - Going Back To Work

If I wasn’t already feeling like a fat lazy trollop I have just annihilated what was left of the celebrations. Hooray to me.

I will not let this day get me down though, tomorrow is the real start of the New Year. The 1st is just a fake shitty day where you make all your promises but you can’t start them on the same day.

My New Years resolution? I have 3:

  • Don’t die
  • Lose about 4 stone
  • Finally tackle a MMORPG (I’ve been dipping my toes into ESO but I am ready to pour most of my life into something other than reality).

x

Author: mentalhealthdiary.com

Just a stranger writing about their life as a mental illness sufferer. I hope you can relate to the content on my site :)

9 thoughts on “1st Jan 18′ – New Year, Old Me.”

  1. I usually think of New Years Day as the one last day of holiday season indulgence (so far today I’ve continued my pig-out from yesterday), and I agree with you, tomorrow is the time to get going with the healthy habits.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t do holidays but my one week of denial (vacation) was awesome. I got to nap and not be productive and not have to explain myself to anyone. Back to reality tomorrow. Healthy habits… yeah. Ugh. One at a time, or else they tire me out and I go back to ordering pizza. Step one will be my light morning cardio. Step two, salads for lunch at the cafeteria. More to come once I master those two.

    I just got Final Fantasy Online for those “I gotta escape reality” moments. Wonder how long it will last me. I got way too many games already, but hey, better than TV. TV pisses me off, it really brings the irritability to the surface in a way that games don’t.

    I agree with you on the blogs. Reading about other people going through their own challenges has given me hope. Also made me feel less lonely. Ya’ll out there, I do have a tribe, it is just spread out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I forgot you don’t do them whoops. Glad denial went OK 🙂

      oooooh TV. Absolutely with you on that one, I fucking hate it. So much so I don’t actually own one. It’s just full of fake people living fake lives…And people follow it. Crazy.

      I tried adding your number to Whatsapp but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know if it was my lack of whatsapp knowledge or your weird American number

      Like

      1. Whatsapp, try this or send me your number on the email and I’ll make it magically work: https://faq.whatsapp.com/en/bb/21087533

        “them whoops” huh? That’s a local slang for holidays? I’ll have to teach my husband. He learned an awesome one with a mexican co-worker who is atheist and says “oh-mah-gato” instead of “Oh my god”. Basically he says “oh my cat”, but the sound of it is awesome.

        Liked by 1 person

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