Mood – worried
This is my first entry in ages, few reasons I stopped blogging my diary but the main one was I felt alright. My depression lifted and I didn’t want to be reminded of it by looking through past posts.
I ended my RO DBT group & one to one therapy as I was feeling good. Life was on track.
But recently I’ve noticed some things creeping in, things that happen when my mood is changing. Here’s what I’ve noticed:
- I’m having to force myself to shower.
- I have no energy or interest in anything. I’ve lost interest in my one and only hobby (online gaming).
- I’ve started to forget things, like I’m not really present in a lot of situations so I’m forgetting simple stuff I wouldn’t normally.
- I’m taking myself away to be alone more, I don’t want to see friends or family.
- I’m comfort eating.
Now they’re pretty big warning signs and I’ve never been able to stop my mood changing before. This is however one of the first times I’ve actually identified the change which I’m happy with. Show I’m learning more about myself I guess.
The timing seems about right aswell which is crazy! I’ve been well for 2 -3 months, and it’ll cycle like this, 3 – 6 months of depression mixed in with a few weeks/month of mania and then alright for a little bit. I think I’ve actually wrote that down somewhere else on this site.
Anyway, I’m trying to come to terms that this is just what my brain does. The big difficult question that looms is – can I do this forever? One thing I’ve noticed over the last few years is each period of depression/mania is worse than the last. I’ve coped less. It’s like the emotions are so much stronger each time round.
Anyway, I’m going to make some time for myself and try do some things that make me happy. I’ll also try keep this up-to-date because I think it’ll be useful to track if my mood is changing.