1st Nov 17′

13:59 Surely there is something more that can be done to curb my mood? I feel proper powerless at the moment. I don’t even feel like these therapies help. Talking one to one does help because it’s nice to talk to someone about my problems. If I could just be drugged up to the eyeballs and talk to someone once a week that’d suit me. Oh and someone to text when I’m in crisis πŸ˜‚

13:57 I think ro DBT will probably be more beneficial as I know I am over controlled

13:53 I don’t think I actually need to be here. Yes I have uncontrollable moods but my conflict is so internal. These people are nothing like me. I’ve been talking to my sister who is bipolar & BPD and I’m still convinced I am bipolar. My moods are too up and down all the time and for the most part without a prompting event. Like I do not have control, I’m just on a rollercoaster.

12:08 Sound. Singing

07:07 Feeling supersonic

30th Oct 17′

23:29 Partying on my own πŸ˜‚

21:30 Yraaaaaaaaahhhhh singing. Liam G

19:59 Now I’m on my own. I’m going in the bath with a bottle of wine and a razor blade

19:25 I need help I can’t deal with these fluctuations in my mood anymore

18:21 Sunday dinner on a Monday. Feel good

12:36 Miserable. Wish I was dead

06:53 Just feel shit. Thoughts whizzing through my head of all the things in the future I don’t want to do. Family meals, events, meetings, seeing people

29th Oct 17′

19:24 Pulling out my hair and eating it

18:18 Hyper has warn off and I can feel my mood dropping

16:35 Shaking with energy like a nuke has gone off inside my brain. Shouting my fave songs out in the car πŸ˜ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’₯πŸ’₯πŸ’₯

16:30 Going to buy some treats pick up the family from party and have a good night. Feeling good.

15:37 I’ve cut myself. I feel connected again.

15:15 Struggling to stay in the now. I can almost feel my mind floating away from my body. I’m numb. My body motionless but my mind is under attack. Thoughts have forced it out of my body and out of reach

15:09 Just dropped wife and kids at party. My mood has been dropping throughout the day. I’m losing my mind. I need to hurt myself

13:23 I forgot my meds this morning.

13:04 Son is refusing to eat with wife and as soon as I tell him to eat wife tells me off! My blood feels boiling, so angry inside I could burst. But I look fine on the outside.

12:27 Wife is stressing out and it’s stressing me out. I’d rather just be on my own

21st Oct 17′

21:57 Singing all my fave songs and sending videos to all my friends of me singing them. Delightful πŸ˜‚ fucking love this feeling

20:09 I want to cut myself or someone else. I won’t hurt anyone else but the voice is always there

18:39 The thoughts are rolling now. This happens all the time, it’s painful. I am suffering constantly. Nobody sees the suffering that I hide and it kills me to be so isolated. This is why I want to die, my life has nothing but misery. Thoughts are flashing through my head now. People at my local mental health centre are thinking I make this up. Everybody thinks I make it up. I feel like I’m almost holding my suicide as a trump card, a big told ya so to everybody. Stupid thing to think really, but I can’t help it.

18:33 Couldn’t get away from the wife and kids fast enough. Soon as I step out the door my mind is tumbling. Thinking bad thoughts, suicide. Disappearing. Dying. Suffering. I don’t know why I wanted to leave wife’s I just had to be alone but I know I feel like this when I do.

14:33 Daughter kicked off when me and wife showed each other some attention and both have now walked off in moods. Just me and my son watching telly. Don’t think it’s affected my mood

14:02 Wife finished work and started cleaning commenting on how messy the house was. Feel myself getting angry. I’d done the dishes and made tea. Feeling irritated

10:16 Cleaned up phone and sorted out storage. Felt good, given me the motivation to get up and make breakfast for kids. Recognized my mood & making effort to change it

09:58 Just sorting out this app and getting things organised. Feel in control. Not happy but not sinking anymore. Using distract skill”

09:39 Watching people messaging in group texts and Facebook. Sinking into a low mood but trying to fight it off. Considering deleting Facebook. Laying on sofa can’t move

06:54 Foot still hurts